ProductFTW 30: Starting a Startup with Friends

At ProductFTW, we spend a lot of time discussing product management and the art of being a product manager. As a product manager, you're a decision-maker, constantly balancing building great products and being accountable to others, like C-level executives, board members, or founders. It's a challenging role, but you're operating within the safety net of an established organization, with the guardrails of existing processes and the comfort of shared responsibility.

However, many product-minded people often dream of stepping out of this role and starting their own company. The thought of becoming independent, setting your own vision, and creating something from scratch is incredibly appealing. But it can also be terrifying. Suddenly, all the risk and responsibility falls on you. This fear might drive you to seek a co-founder, and who better than a friend or a spouse, someone you already trust and share a connection with?

I've taken the leap twice, and both experiences taught me valuable lessons about the dynamics of co-founding a startup, particularly when it comes to the risks of working with co-founders who aren't fully aligned or invested. There are pitfalls to watch out for: differences in commitment, overlapping responsibilities, time management conflicts, and the inevitable slow decision-making that can drag a startup down.

Let me start with my experience at Sherpio. I co-founded Sherpio with Zach and Mitchell, two friends who brought distinct skills to the table. Zach was incredibly committed from the outset; he quit his full-time job and poured all his energy into the startup. Mitchell, who handled the development of our product, was exceptionally talented and contributed significantly, but since we never openly discussed his level of commitment or personal struggles, I'll focus on the dynamic between Zach and me.

While Zach was fully invested, I was in a different place. My natural risk aversion made it hard for me to leave my full-time job, so I tried to balance my regular work with my responsibilities at Sherpio. This decision set the stage for many challenges. Zach was pushing hard, working long hours and weekends, while I was juggling Sherpio with my other commitments. I'm sure Zach felt frustrated like he was carrying the weight of the startup while I held back, unable to match his level of dedication.

Our overlapping skills only made things worse. Both Zach and I had experience in product development and strategy, but there needed to be a clearer understanding of who should lead specific tasks. This overlap led to confusion and slow decision-making, a deadly combination for any startup. Every decision turned into a debate, every task became a shared responsibility, and our progress slowed to a crawl. It became evident that the structure we had in place wasn't conducive to the speed and agility needed to succeed. In the end, I left, deciding my lack of commitment was holding back the team and Zach and Mitchell continued on without me.

In contrast, my recent experience starting a new venture with my husband has been entirely different. This time, we both dove in with equal commitment. I handle the creative side, business decisions, scheduling, and overall operations, while my husband, who has no background in business, takes care of the physical work. We each bring different skills to the table, and there's no overlap. This clear division of roles has allowed us to move fast, make decisions efficiently, and avoid stepping on each other's toes.

Now, I am not under any illusions that starting a business with my spouse is an objectively good idea. I've read somewhere that it's considered a relationship killer, and I understand why. Running a business together comes with its own set of risks, including the potential strain it can put on a marriage. However, we both believe that our clear division of responsibilities and complementary skills will lead to success, and we're willing to take the risk. We're aligned in our goals, we communicate openly, and we trust each other to handle our respective areas. These factors have been crucial in keeping things smooth so far.

Reflecting on these two experiences, I realized that having multiple co-founders isn't always the best approach. While having co-founders might seem appealing for sharing the workload (emotionally or physically), it can actually create challenges that hinder progress. Startups often benefit more from having a single decision-maker who is fully bought in, someone who can set the vision and motivate the team. If everyone is a co-founder with overlapping skills, every decision becomes a drawn-out debate, drastically slowing you down.

I've also learned that hiring people committed to the company's future potential, either through equity or compensation, can sometimes be a better strategy than bringing on multiple co-founders. With employees, the expectations are clear: they know their role, the boundaries of their involvement, and what they stand to gain. This clarity can create a more streamlined path to progress, avoiding the paralysis that comes from too many voices in the decision-making process.

Speed and decisiveness are critical to a startup's success. At Sherpio, our differing levels of commitment and overlapping skills led to slow decision-making, which dragged down our momentum. On the other hand, in my new venture with my husband, decisions are made quickly because we trust each other's judgment in our respective areas. There's no second-guessing, no debates, just swift, confident action. This agility makes all the difference.

The more I reflect on these two experiences, the more I see the importance of having one person who is fully committed and ready to lead. Complementary roles, quick decision-making, and a shared commitment to the vision are what truly drive a startup forward.

While it may feel safer to start a business with friends or loved ones to share the burden, it might be better to go at it alone or partner with someone as committed as you are, but with an entirely different skill set. The fear of taking on all the risk and responsibility by yourself can be daunting, but it's often better than dealing with the challenges that come with co-founders who aren't fully aligned.

If you're considering starting a startup with friends or loved ones, take a moment to consider the dynamics carefully. Make sure everyone knows their role, their commitment, and their place in the decision-making process. Most importantly, ensure that you have one person, whether it's you or a trusted partner, who is ready to take charge, lead with clarity, and motivate the rest of the team. In the end, it's not about how many co-founders you have, but about how effectively you can move forward together.

About ProductFTW

ProductFTW is a biweekly newsletter about product management, with a focus on real-life experiences in startups. We want to help product leaders be successful by giving realistic approaches that aren’t for giant tech companies. We know you don’t have a full-time product designer on each team. We know your software probably hasn’t been used by millions of people worldwide–yet. We’re here to bridge the content gap from building your product and team to scaling it.